One of the biggest regrets people have as they are dying is that they didn’t live the life they wanted. They often did what others expected of them, putting family, friends, and everyone else’s needs above their own. Perhaps this happened because they weren’t aware of what their needs and desires were. Many of us learn in childhood and through various life roles to put our needs last. We may have strong desires or wants, however, we don’t feel worthy enough to truly have what we want or to live life on our own terms so we don’t even try.
Many of us also feel guilty if we do consider our own needs in addition to others. This guilt contributes to us not setting boundaries in our relationships when our intuition and body are loudly signaling we need to. Sometimes, we were called selfish when we did try to care for our Selves. Perhaps we don’t feel strong enough to cope if we go for it, and don’t succeed. How utterly disappointing that might be. Where would that leave us? Experiencing these uncomfortable, even painful feelings can lead us over time to unintentionally disconnect from our deepest needs and desires to protect our Selves.
Often, we have a niggling sense, a quiet voice whispering to us that this isn’t the life we imagined for our Selves. That “I’m not living my own life.” The life that I really want – whether that’s traveling around the world, becoming an artist, finally getting that college degree or having a child. Sometimes it presents itself through an area of our lives that brings repeated frustration and disappointment. It is important to pay attention to this quiet voice – our intuitive sense – that we are not living true to our Selves.
CONSIDERATIONS ON LIVING LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS
Reflect on how well you know your Self, what are your important needs? Write them down, and ask your Self, “How well am I meeting my own needs, as well as others?” If there is a significant imbalance, notice this. Identify one action you can take to rebalance this, and better prioritize your own needs. Remember, a healthy balance is when we give as much importance to our needs as to others’.
What are 3-5 deep desires that you have? Are several of these a central part of the life you’ve imagined for your Self? If so, then these are likely deep desires of yours that merit your time and attention. With intention, take courageous action toward realizing them.
If you would like to live life more on your own terms, identify one to two obstacles you feel are blocking your ability to do so. Is it family or friends’ expectations of you – to be there daily for them? Is there a healthy boundary you want to set, but are afraid of hurting someone you love if you do? Are there societal values and dictates of what success is that feel confusing, and distract you from focusing on what your heart wants? Perhaps you have limiting beliefs that what you really want isn’t possible for you.
NEXT STEPS
This upcoming week, identify one action you can take that would feel aligned with the life you have imagined for your Self. Doing any of the above reflections is a great start!:) It could be anything – a small step or even a leap – to bring you in the direction of your desired life. Let’s go for it!
Please get in touch with me at dr.gionta@gmail.com or use the CONTACT PAGE if you would like more support and know you want to make some important life changes. Moving forward can be challenging at times, however, feeling more empowered and happier in our lives is worth it! We can have a relaxed conversation and decide where to go from there.
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